Walk Into The Pain- One Month Later

One month later.

Still a family of five.

We’ve learned so much this past month and are still processing even more.

This past week I’ve been really praying and listening, asking God what He wants me to learn from this past month. Again and again, I hear Him reminding me to continue to walk into the pain.

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(Our last picture of Zoe; just hours before she woke up in His arms.) 

One of the first things I remember telling Jeff the evening Zoe passed away, was how much my heart hurt. I had never felt that type of pain before; it was different.

Because of the pain, there were so many things I found myself scared to do that first evening, one of them was to be alone. I needed Jeff to be with me whatever I did; I just couldn’t be alone. Maybe it was the loneliness that comes with loosing someone so close to you; I’m not sure….(read more here)

 

PG
Mackenzie is a follower of Jesus, wife, mama of two toddler boys, teacher at heart, and coffee lover. She was a lower school elementary teacher for over 6 years, with a master's degree in Reading, and is a certificated Reading Specialist. She currently works part-time at a private school allowing her more time at home with her little guys.

Mackenzie has blogged 689 posts here.

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Comments

  1. Mackzenie,
    I woke up this morning and you crossed my mind. I don’t really know you, other than visiting your blog and linking up at your party, but… here I am.

    I hope you are okay. I hope you are finding peace. I hope your heart is healing.

    Sending you a big virtual hug this morning dear.

  2. I just want you to know I still think and pray for you and your dear family.

  3. Hi, Dear Sister in Christ: I am from Guayaquil Ecuador. I have been living in the USA for almost 19 years. The testimony of your beautiful Zoe made me to ensure, one more time, that our Lord and Savior Jesus Crist is in control of everything that is going on in our lives. I would like to know if you can read Spanish. God Bless you and all your family….

  4. Dear Mackenzie,
    My Dear Mother of 88 belongs to a book club and they are currently reading a book entitled “Proof Of Heaven” she read this poem to me via the phone and I thought of you. After, reading your heartbreaking story, I hope this will encourage you even for a moment.

    towards the end of the book, was a beautiful old poem by David M. Romano which was published back in 1993. My eyes glistened as I read through every word of Romano’s work.

    When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

    When tomorrow starts without me,

    And I’m not there to see,

    If the sun should rise and find your eyes

    All filled with tears for me

    I wish so much you wouldn’t cry

    The way you did today,

    While thinking of the many things,

    We didn’t get to say.

    I know how much you love me,

    As much as I love you,

    And each time you think of me,

    I know you’ll miss me too;

    But when tomorrow starts without me,

    Please try to understand,

    That and angel came and called my name,

    And took me by the hand,

    And said my place was ready,

    In heaven far above

    And that I’d have to leave behind

    All those dearly I love.

    But as I turned to walk away,

    A tear fell from my eye

    For all my life, I’d always thought,

    I didn’t want to die.

    I had so much to live for,

    So much left yet to do,

    It seemed almost impossible,

    That I was leaving you.

    I thought of all the yesterdays,

    The good ones and the bad,

    The thought of all the love we shared,

    And all the fun we had.

    If I could relive yesterday

    Just even for a while,

    I’d say good-bye and kiss you

    And maybe see you smile.

    But then I fully realized

    That this could never be,

    For emptiness and memories,

    Would take the place of me.

    And when I thought of worldly things

    I might miss come tomorrow,

    I thought of you, and when I did

    My heart was filled with sorrow.

    But when I walked through heaven’s gates

    I felt so much at home

    When God looked down and smiled at me,

    From His great golden throne,

    He said, “This is eternity,

    And all I’ve promised you.

    Today your life on earth is past

    But here it starts anew.

    I promise no tomorrow,

    But today will always last,

    And since each day’s the same way,

    There’s no longing for the past.

    You have been so faithful,

    So trusting and so true.

    Though there were times

    You did some things

    You knew you shouldn’t do.

    But you have been forgiven

    And now at last you’re free.

    So won’t you come and take my hand

    And share my life with me?”

    So when tomorrow starts without me,

    Don’t think we’re far apart,

    For every time you think of me,

    I’m right here, in your heart.

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